I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
