what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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