I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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