A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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