oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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