Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
