Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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