Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
