I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
