Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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