Pregnant stripper...not hot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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