There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
