im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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