I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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