shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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