if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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