worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
