Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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