It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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