I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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