his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
