so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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