So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
