You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
