Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
