Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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