after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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