well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
