Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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