My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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