Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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