Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
