So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
