i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
