I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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