He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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