i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Randomize
