You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
