Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
