it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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