I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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