You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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