I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
