Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
