I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
