Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
