I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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