used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The best revenge is premature balding
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
