Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
