do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
