I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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