Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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