I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
