I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
