my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
