if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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