WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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