When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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