Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
