Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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