Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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